Liberate Wall Street

Are you tired of the Occupy movement?  I am.  It looks to me like a bunch of dirty hippies whining about the fact that they bought houses they can't afford and created an economic meltdown.  How the hell is that Wall Street's fault?

Occupiers: You jackasses committed fraud and got away with it.  Or, at the very least, your mortgage brokers did.  Sure.  There was a little bit of economic fallout from your decisions and the Wall Street people definitely didn't do anything to arrest the downturn you created.  That hardly entitles you guys to bitch about them.  It's not their job to look out for you.

Here's what I think we should do.  We have a long history of liberating pansies who can't seem to take it upon themselves to fight back when occupied; most notably the French.  Why don't we get together as Americans and start liberating Occupied spaces?  We can start where it all began: Wall Street.

Liberate Wall Street!

The Gift that Keeps on Giving

Christmas is approaching as rapidly as ever.  In fact, it's approaching at exactly the same pace it always have and probably always will.  I don't know what everyone wants but I do know what most people desperately need.  They need the thing that helps them get through life, cold and twisted a thing as it is.

Unfortunately, if you're in the ninety-nine percent who don't seem to have this, nobody can give it to you.  That is, nobody can give it to you but you.

This year, give yourself the gift that keeps on giving: a fucking sense of humor.

The Reason for the Season

Hey everybody!  Thanksgiving is coming up and I'm very excited.  Of course, there's the feast but it's also a special day on which we all get together and celebrate the circumstances that afford us this free and comfortable lifestyle to which we have all grown so accustomed.

So this year, invite everyone you love to come over to your place.  Gather around the table.  Join hands.  Pray, if you're the religious sorts.  However you do it give thanks for the thing that allowed us to be us.  Was it Columbus?  No.  Was it the corn and beans thing?  I think not.

I wouldn't waste any precious thanks on those things.  Instead, let's remember how it really happened and let that remind us of who we really are.  We're the people who figured out how to make blankets into a weapon of mass destruction because winning a war with bullets, cannons, superior infrastructure, and trick beads wasn't going fast enough.

This Thanksgiving, instead of saying "Happy Thanksgiving," why not something that rings a little more true:

"They never knew what hit them."

"5 Whys" on the Economic Meltdown

The economy crashed.
Why? Because banks were profiteering off of loans the borrowers couldn't afford.
Why? Because people were borrowing more than they could afford.
Why? Because prices were sky-rocketing.
Why? Because government created artificially low interest rates.
Why? Because the economy crashed.